25

Source: Louise Zhang’s art, Eye Candy

Hi,

My name is Riza. I write this post exactly one and a half hour before my 25th birthday. I have absolutely mixed feelings about it.

Time flies. Felt like only yesterday I had hopes and dreams and things to do before my 25 years of existence. But, here I am. Still got none of noteworthy achievements on my plate.

There are hundreds of lists that people tell you about what you should have accomplished by 25, or what you should have stopped doing by 25, or what your life needs to look like by 25. And if I’m being honest with you, I’m scared as shit. I don’t know what the hell am I doing or what am I supposed to do. I feel like 25 is going to be the first year where real adulthood steps in. I continuously find myself in a strange conundrum where I’m too old to get away with the same stupid shit I used to but still somehow too young to be taken seriously. It’s confusing.

I’m not going to pretend like I know everything. I’m not going to pretend like I don’t have a lot of things to learn. I’m acknowledging the idea that I’m still growing.

As I approach a quarter of a century, I find myself reflecting on myself and what I have and haven’t accomplished, as well as birthdays in general. I have always taken birthdays pretty seriously.

When I was 17 or so, I believed that by 25, I was going to have it all; married my soulmate. Had at least three kids. Own my dream house. Published a book. I got a Master’s degree. Become a therapist or a lady boss. Then again, I decided all of that when I was 17. Things have changed a lot since then.

I feel like my life is escaping me, like my best years are falling far behind me. I look back at the dreams my childhood self longed to bring to fruition and feel like I’ll forever remain short of my expectations. I believe that I’m somehow running out of time to build the life of my dreams, constantly worried that I’ll be stuck in my parent’s house, working a 9 to 5 job and living without fulfilling romantic prospects for the rest of my life.

But, here’s the thing. It’s so easy to get caught up in what we aren’t. What we don’t have. Who we don’t look like. These ideals are nothing. They’re meaningless. They shouldn’t define your happiness or lack thereof. Although I’m no expert, I have figured some of it out. In honor of my 25th birthday here are 25 pieces of advice I’ve picked up along the way:

1. Things do happen for a reason and some of those things you’ll never be able to rationalize. So, don’t overthink it, just go where life takes you and you may end up somewhere you didn’t even expect.
2. The only person you should ever compete with is yourself. I know you cannot resist the shitty and left-out feelings when you look at other people’s lives getting ahead of you. But, try to focus less on the details of other people’s lives, and focus more on the details that fulfill you.
3. Actions speak louder than words.
4. Think with your heart and head in tandem, but always in that order.
5. Confidence, motivation, and positivity are infectious. So, radiate them and you’ll attract the same energy.
6. Authenticity is more important than reputation. Do your thing! — not everyone is going to like you, but who cares? They don’t have to.
7. Again, not everyone is going to like you, and that’s okay. As someone who generally depends on the acceptance and appreciation of others, continues to be a hard pill for me to swallow. But at the end of the day, you aren’t going to please everyone. Trust me, no matter how hard you try, there will always be that one person who seems to dislike or criticize you. So, the sooner this is realized, the easier your life will be.
8. Forgiveness is hard but necessary. It’s easier to forgive than to hold onto a grudge or hatred. Once you’re finally able to do it, it’ll set you free.
9. Slow down. Taking one thing at a time lessens worry and stress about things you can’t control, and makes you appreciate more of what’s happening in the moment.
10. You will find the most strength and happiness in the power of your own thoughts.
11. There are girls that are crazy and men that are assholes. Vice versa.
12. Just because the timing is right, doesn’t mean the person is.
13. People come and go. No matter how far away people go, if they are meant to be in your life, they will find their way back to you. But if they’re not meant to be in your life, no matter how much or how hard you beg them to stay, they will always find a way to leave.
14. Listen. We all have so many opinions and have been gifted with the freedom to say what we think, feel, or want on so many platforms. That’s so important. But, not always appropriate. I think we’ve become greedy with a need for our voices to be heard about absolutely everything, but the truth is, we can learn so much from just listening. Listen and learn. Learn to listen. Kind, compassionate eyes, an open heart, and willingness to just hear something new. It’s amazing what can happen if you actually listen instead of just waiting for your turn to speak.
15. Hope and love fearlessly. I genuinely believe that the power of hope and love have the capability of healing anything and everything. Hope attracts good things and love is uniting and comforting. It comes in so many magical forms. Never be afraid to hope and to love. They are the most powerful things we have. Use it often.
16. Don’t be a jerk. Choose kindness whenever you can. Everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle.
17. Treat and take good care of your body. Health is expensive, whether it’s your physical or mental health.
18. Learning about teleology could really change your perspectives. And it could also change the way you act or react.
19. When you stop bringing out the worst in people, they stop showing it to you.
20. “No” is a necessary vocabulary word. I’m the type of person who says “yes” to almost anything, but I know that sometimes saying no would save me from a catastrophe. So, free yourself from burdens by saying no — it’s not as big of a deal as your mind makes it out to be.
21. You can control your emotions rather than it controls you.
22. Ask for help. Believe it or not, you aren’t alone in whatever battle you’re facing. People have gone through what you’re going through. It just takes you gathering the courage to ask for help to realize that.
23. Words are so powerful. You can change someone’s perspective using only your words. “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me” is the most ridiculous saying I’ve ever heard. At the end of the day, people can tear you down with one sentence. They can target your weaknesses or your insecurities and rip you to shreds. That’s just how life goes. On the flip side, words can also build someone up and inflame their confidence. You can make someone feel better than they ever have with your praise. Just be mindful, because there’s a very fine line.
24. Self-care is important. Seriously. Take care of yourself. Use that face mask. Dance to your favorite song. Run that extra mile. Get your nails done and dye your hair. Buy those clothes piling up on your shopping cart. Whatever self-care looks like for you, do it. Everyone deserves to be taken care of.
25. Failure is not a bad thing. You learn from messing things up. Failure is how I’ve learned 90% of what I know in this world, especially when it comes to being an adult. As long as you learn from what you’ve done wrong, failing forward, as one may say, there’s nothing wrong with screwing things up every once in a while.

We worry that our 25th birthday marks the end of everything we know and the beginning of our deepest fears. But, don’t forget you have everything you need to do everything and anything you want in this life. You’ve come a long way and you still have time to make the life of your dreams — a life full of love, adventure, growth, and happiness — because your life begins at 25.

Happy birthday to me!

With love,
R