A Note To Self

Dear Self,

It’s me again. It’s been a while, hasn’t it? I guess my attention has been elsewhere lately. Somewhere in the clouds, somewhere in the islands, somewhere in the seas — everywhere, but with you. I know I’ve been distant, non-existent, a ghost. I know I left you cold, alone and neglected. I guess my energy has been misplaced. Focusing on others when you deserve as much attention as I give them. All this time, I’ve been using people as distractions to avoid tending to you.

I know there are moments when you were drowning in grief and it felt too hard for you to pull through all those dreadful days. Today, I want to thank you for surviving the turmoil, and for surviving every single day that passed when you felt like something was sucking the soul out of your body. I know you never let your walls down because you’re too afraid that someone might enter your fortress only to wreck things up and then leave you behind in that gritty chaos without feeling guilty. And today, I want to applaud you for not giving up on yourself when everyone was leaving. Hardest is the decision to choose life when you have nothing to live for and I am so proud of you for not breaking every time hurricanes of emotions blew your walls down. I am proud that you always saw light at the end of the tunnel irrespective of how dark the situation was. Thank you for standing by me.

With love,
R