Auto-Pilot
Choosing.
I’ve never been really good at choosing options, and it is not always good to have the opportunity to make a choice. When we must decide to take one action rather than another, we also, ordinarily, become at least partly responsible for what we choose, because sometimes, having a choice means deciding to commit one bad act or another.
“Are there situations in which all the things that you could do are things that would be morally wrong for you to do?” If the answer is yes, then there are some situations in which moral failure is unavoidable.
To say this is to go against something that many moral philosophers believe. That’s because many moral philosophers have adopted a principle — attributed to the 18th-century German philosopher Immanuel Kant — that for an act to be morally obligatory, it must also be possible: so the impossible cannot be morally required. This principle is typically expressed by moral philosophers with the phrase: “Ought implies can.” In other words, you can only be obligated to do something if you’re also able to do it.
When facing decisions we strive to rationalize the choice that exposes us personally to the least amount of risk. It is our survival instinct.
But, what if we have an overwhelming short amount of time to make a difficult choice, that we often can’t simply pick one and feel paralyzed and switch our brains to an ‘auto-pilot mode’?
It’s been months since my brain chose to be stuck on auto-pilot mode by living in a cycle of continuously doing my everyday habits without even remembering any part of it today; the simple choices I’ve made, the places I went, the conversations I had with people, seems to be just a series of activities that were simply happened.
Everything is moving. Fast, and continuous, except me. It felt as if I was the only one standing still while the world was going around, or as if I was sleepwalking.
Playlist after playlist. Movie after movie. Book after book. Conversation after conversation. I still can’t quite figure out how to switch my conscious state back to reality and start to feel alive again.
Is this normal? Am I going crazy? Or, is this just another existential crisis?
One time my friend introduced me to an app called The Pattern. It is a “social network that helps us better understand ourselves and connect with others on a deeper level,” a description in the store reads.
The description continues: “Explore your Personal Pattern to gain insight about various sides of your personality. Your Timing offers an overview of what you’re going through at this moment in time. These cycles are personal to only you. Understanding these dynamics can help you to navigate the difficult times and take advantage of the positive opportunities that you might otherwise miss.”
So, I gave it a shot, and although I wasn’t that impressed I could say that some of the things written on that app were quite surprising. One of the summaries I keep in the note was “Your destiny is to be able to relax and enjoy your life without guilt”, pfft, how’s that even possible? I wonder.
Last, repeatedly listening to Gravity by John Mayer or You Can Only Go in Pieces by Shua has a strange soothing effect on my body. So, until it’s decided to get back on track again maybe I will keep adding similar soother into this pajamas.
With love,
R
