Chapter V: The Plot Twist
What if you shared your fears and nightmares with them?
What if you opened up about your traumas and scars?
What if you confided in them about your insecurities?
What if you revealed the hidden parts of yourself to them, only to find out they were just a plot twist?
It’s hard for me to grasp the fact that love and relationships in reality don’t look like those rom-com films that I watch. Not all of us get to find the right person at the train station or at a coffee shop or at a friend’s wedding. Sometimes we’ve already found them but time isn’t just on our side. Right person, wrong timing. “Is that even a thing?” I asked that question so many times until I’ve come to the realization that it is, in fact, a thing.
Meeting our forever person won’t be a walk in the park, it’s not as easy as we thought it’d be. I believe there are infinite ways in which our forever person could sweep into our lives. And most of the time, it’s nothing special. And don’t ask me how, because I haven’t experienced it myself yet. Well, I thought I did, but I was terribly wrong and he turned out to be just a plot twist. A terrible one.
They say plot twists are good for you. It’s where our characters as a person develop. It teaches us things through chaos, uncertainty, and unpredictability. These are the defining moments when we decide who we’ll be and how we’ll handle the situation unfolding. Life seriously has weird plot twists and long, boring chapters. We won’t get to have movie moments all the time, and that sucks.
Plot twist = Betrayal
As ironic as it sounds but most of the time, we get hurt by the person we explained our pain to.
Betrayal makes you feel a different kind of pain. It gives you sleepless nights as you wonder what went wrong or what you could have done to finally get that happy ending you’ve been dreaming of.
Betrayal makes you question your worth. No matter how much you shrug off the negative thoughts, you still ask yourself, “Will I ever be enough?”
You carefully let someone into your life, you show them a different side of you. You tell them stories you’ve been keeping to yourself because you’re scared of trusting anyone anymore these days. You share the bad experiences you had in the past, like how you had been hurt and lied to multiple times. You explain the hell you went through. You share your darkest secrets.
You struggle to find the courage to finally open up about your scars and revisit all the traumatic experiences you had in your childhood, just to be left alone when you’re done telling your story.
And once they’re gone, you feel betrayed because you thought someone finally accepted you unconditionally. They even vowed to be there for you no matter what, but in the end, they still decided to leave and forget all the promises they made, as if they meant nothing.
And one morning, you wake up, and then that’s it. That pain again, like the weight of a hundred bricks fills your chest when you realize it’s all gone. They already stopped choosing you, just when you finally decided to let your guard down and take the risks you had been scared to take.
And here you are again, trying to fix all the damage they caused, alone.
But, no matter how painful it has been, you have no choice but to be strong on your own. You have to be brave as you put the shattered pieces back together. No matter how difficult it could get, you have to find the courage in your heart to forgive them, and especially yourself. My favorite author, John Green once wrote, the only way out of the labyrinth of suffering is to forgive, and that is what you must do so you don’t continue to suffer and you can begin to heal for your own peace of mind, and move forward.
First-timer a rebound. Part-timer a fool. Full-timer a hopeful-happy ending-anticipator.
I’ve been in a few fairly serious relationships for over 7 years. Leapfrogging from one serious relationship to another expecting it would finally be my happy ending, and every time the guy has been single for a while beforehand. There weren’t any crazy exes to deal with, or old flings still on the scene. Almost zero baggage. I’d never been somebody’s rebound girl, until last November.
We met each other on the first day of November. It was an instant click. I’ve never thought I could connect to someone that fast. We both felt the same. Until one night, he canceled our plan to have dinner with his mom because he told me he was sick, only to find out that he’s having dinner with his ex. And when I confronted him about it, he asked for a breakup saying that he can’t live with the guilt of betraying me. What a big freaking lie.
Later, one major truth was revealed. He’s still in love with his ex, so he lied and cheated on me this whole time. I still haven’t quite wrapped my head around the fact that I’m the rebound girl. I should’ve seen it before. How could I let it happen? How could I be so dumb and naive?
I was so busy falling that I ignored the warning signs. The nearly instantaneous click. The excessive attention. The insecure ramblings about the future. The long, almost too intimate everyday talks. How he shit-talked about his “cheater” ex-es. How we planned out our wedding in his head. How he constantly flattered me with his compliments. And how fast it was that he said he moved on from his ex.
Before I met him I was at a point in my life where I thought that I was destined to live forever with cats or even alone. When we met, it all felt like my world was turning right this time. We connected all the dots and coincidences. We thought the universe intentionally pulled us together, and we thought that was it. Our soul-searching for a home finally ended and we would finally find our happy ending.
When we were together he said he left her because she cheated on him, and he continuously told me how he didn’t see a future with her anyway, and that he’s better off starting with someone new than going back to her. I even asked him 1001 possible scenarios if she’ll ever come back and he always found the right answers. He vowed to choose me and he won’t ever forgive and go back to her even if she begs and pleads. Lastly, he said he meant every “I love you’s” and every word he uttered when he was with me.
Well, I wanted to believe him but I couldn’t. He’s a liar. He fed me with lies this whole time and his actions prove more than his words. I gave him a cure when he wanted poison. So, there is no point investing anything in someone whose heart still partly belongs to someone else, even if that someone was the one who broke him.
In summary, if something seems too good to be true, it probably is not.
So after that, I truly wised up and vowed to myself that I would never trust anyone again even if they seemed like an answer to my prayer. Because even the kindest and most sincere-looking person can break you to pieces so cruelly. I turned away and never looked back. That was the day I discovered how loud silence could be. Partner or no partner I’ll become my own best friend for I alone am the one who knows my pain and I’ve nurtured my own heartbreaks anyway.
One man’s trash is another man’s treasure.
No one tells you how numb you’ll feel when you remember their parting words, over and over.
Let’s break up, I can’t accept you, I don’t love you anymore, you hurt me, you’re the one who broke us, you’re too good for me, I choose her. — These are the words that have been said to me when they quit. It’s always between blaming me or putting the play victim card. Either way, those were just alibis for them to leave.
When people leave, they don’t just leave a person, they leave questions that are unanswered, they leave daydreams that linger, and memories that hurt to revisit. They leave replays of conversations had, and the conversations that hadn’t happened yet. They leave all this and much more.
And they will tell you to move on and find someone new. They’ll also tell you that they’ll always love you, they’ll remember you, and give you the hope that maybe somewhere in the future they’ll meet you again. Well, I say, what a bunch of bullshit.
Believe it or not, when they leave you, it won’t be because suddenly they wanted to or because they decided one morning that they no longer needed you. There was a deliberate process and no amount of begging, pleading, or convincing will bring them to stay.
Whatever way they leave, never chase them. Let go. Because you cannot make someone see your value when they don’t want to.
The way they left speaks a lot about them, and not you. Even when you’re a perfect match, or closest friends, or instantly connected when you’ve just met, or there are sparks flying everywhere; know that they still have the capacity to leave. And sometimes, you will never know what exactly is wrong.
Because someday you’ll meet someone new, and possibly fall in love again when you least expect it. And it’ll all feel strange. You’ll be more terrified to take risks than you did before. Your trust issues will take over you. You will be conflicted between guarding your heart or taking chances.
But always keep in mind that someone out there is willing to get to know this new version of you. That person will listen to your stories and painful experiences not to use them against you, but to learn how you deserve to be treated and to understand how you should be loved. And when that time comes, you have to be brave and take risks rather than live a life full of what-ifs.
Remember what Hector Urquhart’s introduction to 1860’s Popular Tales of the West Highlands wrote, one man’s rubbish may be another’s treasure.
And maybe, just maybe, when that ‘someday’ comes that time will be the right time for you and your right person.
Your forever person will be a mirror of you — a beautifully messed up human being. They will not be a lead character in the movie. They may not be able to save the world, or they may not be your first thought of an ‘it’ person. Your forever person will simply help you be okay with everything in life. And if you think about it, that’s really just enough.
With love,
R
